Grief

Odd how people outwardly express it or don't. 

Got a call from my mother late Saturday night- which is unusual- telling me the last surviving member of my late father's immediate family (an uncle) was admitted to the hospital as he had suffered a heart attack and had pneumonia.  Told my mother that it did not sound good and was not surprised when mid-morning yesterday, youngest brother calls to tell me this uncle had passed.

Now what continues to surprise me is my lack of reaction to the news and loss.  I did not dislike this uncle, or any of my now departed relatives for that matter. At the same time there was neither shock (well he had been on a long, slow decline in health) nor real sense of sadness.   It is as if a goldfish had died. 

Didn't feel very much when one of his sisters, an aunt to who I was very close to passed, or my father.  My reaction was relief that at last their physical ordeals were now over. 

Am not planning to go the funeral if it is held when I think it is, tomorrow.  Unlike a cousin of mine, I don't have any psychological blocks (he did not even attend his father's or mother's funeral) to being at a funeral.  At the same time, I don't feel particularly compelled to go either. 

Was surprised at the reaction of his only child, his daughter, who called me about 2 hours after my brother called, to 'tell' me the news.  She seemed surprised and quietly upset that her step-mother (this uncle lost his first wife to leukemia in 1978) had had the time to call so quickly in her opinion.  What will be interesting too is where this uncle will be laid to rest.  As I recall, there are 2 plots at the grave of his first wife.  But he was married to his second wife for at least 30 years as well. 

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